Blessing in Disguise…

For me just laying down and not doing anything at home is such an unpleasant way to spent time…Unfortunately i have to experience that last week … For almost 2 weeks I cannot go to work, just have to lay down and literally incapable of doing anything because of some viruses attacking my stomach  and weaken my body immune. At first i felt so miserably sad, the thought of my body had betrayed me, for  being so weak, because in the past 6 month it’s like my 2nd time that i have to take rest for over one week.

But then I try to evaluate my self, listening to what my mom’s saying, my boss, my uncle and my dearly friends… Mostly they were saying that i ate too little, not enough nutrition ( am i malnutrition ?? hmmm), some of them also saying that I might have used my brain to think a little bit too much in other words i might in some stress level (•`~΄•) … I have to admit that I wasn’t really paid much attention to my health, I didn’t eat properly, lack of sports, no vitamin taken and somehow when i fasting i kind of pushing my self off the limit (eat nothing within 20hours, then breaking my fasting by eating super spicy indomie and sometimes that was all i ate until the next day)… I should have known it better that kind of attitude is unacceptable. Perhaps if Jesus can scold me He would have done it (^O^) , or He might said : ” Though i want you to learn to restrain yourself to resist the temptation through fasting, but i have never asked you to tortured yourself dummy girl (^O^) “. So through that illness i kind of learn my lesson, I do take it seriously when i almost have to be hospitalized, going back and forth to the doctor for couple of times within one week (⌣́_⌣̀) , I really do have to take a very good care of my body, not for my own sake, but I  owe this to Him who has created me so adorably perfect as He is,  As Apostle Paul ever said :

1 Cor 6:19 “Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own…”

I’m the kind of person who cannot take milk (except for Ultra milk chocolate flavor only), now i force  my self to search for pure milk with no flavor that i can take, luckily I’ve found it (´⌣`), back to my Pilates routine, eat properly 3 times a day, taking vitamins, gain some more weight ┒(⌣˛⌣”)┎  (hopefully not too much).

One other things that I learn is that I am surrounded by LOVE , God has showed me that I am loved by my parent (in case i didn’t realize it earlier), my colleagues, my dearly sisters, they were all so concerned and care for my health… I’m wonderfully blessed and I wish I can be source of blessing for others too.

So being lay down and incapable of doing nothing for almost 2 weeks wasn’t that bad at all i guess, at least I can learn some lesson from it to improve my self, that if I really want to work for God’s purpose as His source of blessing for others first I have to start to take a very good care of my self.

We can feel God’s grace upon us not just when we are at our highest point of life but also in weakness. If any of you are in situation that is less favorable, don’t give up… Sometimes it is Ok for us just to lay back a little bit and take some rest from our hectic daily routine, maybe in this situation God want you to do some evaluation about yourself in order to fulfill the purpose He has planted in you,  or  He want to use your situation as a blessing for others so its not all about you, He has a so much greater plans for all of us and He can use any of us to complete it. For we  all are  just like a clay in The Potter’s hand… Have faith that  He can turns all of your situation into a blessing for you or for others.

Rome 8 : 28 “We are assured and know that  all things work together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose.

Be Blessed

*Special Thank’s to Mr. Jonathan Prathama for being such an encouraging editor ♡

What Love is

You had me. You had me for awhile and then you left. It has nothing to do with me, it is about you, and it is always about you: what you need and what you want. You know, it seems that you only want me when you can’t have me.You like the chase and that’s all.

And the harsh reality of life is that you are going to hurt. You’re going to cry over a silly  boy – your hearts going to be broken. But you have to pull yourself together so people don’t see how vulnerable you are. Once people see vulnerability, the take advantage of you.  And whole process starts all over again.

Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone get this things confused with love, but in reality love is the only things in this world that cover up all  pains and make someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

(via wordsandlyrics)

Seperated

If love was a bird then we wouldn’t have our wings
If love was the sky we’d be blue
If love was a choir, U and I could never sing
’cause love isn’t for me and U
If love was an Oscar, U and I could never win
’cause we could never act out our parts
If love is the bible, then we are lost in sin
Because it’s not in our hearts

So why don’t you go your way,
and I’ll go mine
Live ur life
And I’ll live mine
Baby, u’ll do well
And I’ll be fine
’cause we’re better off separated…

If love was a fire then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light then we’re lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport, we’re not on the same team
U and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean, baby, we are just a stream
’cause love isn’t for me and U

Girl, I know we had some good times
It’s sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl U know I love U
I can’t deny
Can’t say we didn’t try to make it work for U and I

I know it hurts so much
But it’s best for us
Somewhere along this windy road, we lost the trust
So I walk away, so U don’t have to see me cry
It’s killing me so, why don’t U go
I’m sorry we didn’t make it.

By : Usher

So glad to finally made a right decision after 2,5 miserable years (ړײ)

Coffee and you…

another one from wordsandlyrics

from wordsandlyrics

I don’t understand how you can smile all day long, but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change, but the people in them do. How you can love so innocently, but it can turn into anger so quickly. How your best friend can become your worst enemy. Or when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know letting go of something is best for you, it hurts just the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much time to spare. How people make promises, and bear their souls to someone despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives ‘cause it’s just easier then working things out.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone.Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

When you Find out…

That someone you once trust before is a complete liar, a person with no value at all, a pathetic loser who’s also a super selfish who love himself more than everything, what would you do ??

And when you find out that all this time your instinct which secretly whispering you that something was not right turns out to be true, what would you do ??

Well its time to wake up from your nightmare right… Set yourself free, time to collect bit by bit of yourself again and pursue your dreams your future and your own happiness…

Cause a person like that not even worth a single shed of your tears… My best friend ever told me one good advice : You are valuable because you are the apple of Gods eye, whoever dare to hurt you that means he hurt Gods eye…

For thus said the Lord of hosts, after [His] glory had sent me to the nations who plundered you–for he who touches you touches the apple or pupil of His eye ( Zechariah 2 : 8)

No need to feel sorry for your self… Well the only regret is because you have spend your valuable times with a person who has no value at all, at least you learn the lesson that no matter who you are, where you come from, what background you have, you deserve to be treated nicely and with respect NOT with harm…You have to value your self. Even Jesus treat a sinner like Mary Magdalene and tax collector Levi with compassion and honor.

I’m so blessed there are so many people around me that support me and love me in so many ways…Don’t ever lose your faith and low your self esteem just because you have met a wrong person. Anyhow God has his own purpose in your way no matter how difficult it is.

I know God has a so much greater purpose for me and i can’t wait for that, meantime I’m doing my best to serve Him and make Him smile every time he look at me.

God Bless’

Cheers

Somebody That I Used To Know

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
And I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody…

Note : Perfect words, perfect song from Gotye

Sisterhood

Today i have 4 wonderful women whom i called my sisters… 2 of them are my own siblings who were conceived in the same womb with me which was our mom’ s  (ړײ) , the other 1 is my cousin who’s really run the role as our elder sister in my family for the 3 of us and the last but certainly not the least is my one and only Best Friend Forever “oling” she is just like my other half  … I love 4 of them so much ♡.

I’m so lucky to have them in my life, they were there when i needed them the most, they will laugh and share my moments with me together, and when i needed a shoulder to cry on they are ready to wipe my tears away, transfer their positive energy to me strengthen me even more.

But don’t even imagine our relationship is so smooth like a highway without any resistance, Hohoho let me tell you there’s no such things like that… Every relationship must have its own intriguing moments to make it firm right ??  The easiest example is me and my 2 younger sisters, when we were kids we did fought a lot ( i can’t imagine  how our wonderful parent deal with us at that time ) but as time goes by and we are grown up so fast… We’ve manage to settle the differences  that may come between us and bound between us is getting stronger even though we don’t really have much time to meet up and see each other lately considering one of us is now living in other country pursuing her dreams, the other one is busy with her coming soon wedding (ړײ), while me I’ve been busy with my own life… we do still quarrel though when we are at the same room for long enough (ړײ) nevertheless we will miss each other too when we are apart. Crazy us .

As for me and my best friend oling , we are so lucky to have met and become  real close like this… This friendship is really God’s grace for me because this friendship came out from a ‘not so good’ experience in my life. I don’t know when or how we became so close but far as i can remember i can always count on her whenever i need someone to talk to, just about anything, she will never judge me, though we’ve only known each other for ‘almost 3 years’ (well our 1st chat was when her 1st princess sophie 3month old and soon sophie is going to be 3years old ) but seems like i have known her all my life. And she really did taught me a lot about a heart of giving and worshiping, she is like my spiritual partner. I do value my friendship with her as priceless.

And my cece woww, what can i say about her ?? She is an amazing mother of 2 beautiful and wonderful children, she has a genuine heart for others. Even though she is my cousin but she is more like my mom copycat in certain way , the way she like to clean the house and works all things up kind a like to push their energy to the limit and quite chatty too  (ړײ) hehehe. She is a beautiful additional member to my family. She is like the elder sister i never have.  Love ♡  her much.

I think I’m the luckiest woman to have 4 of them in my life at one time. Thank You Lord Jesus.

Pam Brown
Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there. Defending you against all comers.

End of year… New beginning of the New Hope

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true ≈ Alfred Lord Tennyson≈

December is month of Celebration which always brings us some peace & joy, it is also a closure of the year. Month where weather is good, time to shop where the words SALE are everywhere. December has always been my favorite month of the year, only this time it’s a little bit different…I started this December with a bad entrance, something I never thought could happened (again) to me… Disappointment, paralyzed by agony,hatred….I have lost my self, I’m breaking apart …But I have to say God is good… In moment like this He never leave me by my own, when I almost given up of my self He send me His angels to help me to encourage me so I can pull my self together again slowly but for sure I gain my strength pieces by pieces everyday….this angels whom I called friends &  family… I’m so lucky to have them in my life they always there for me…. Welcome me with an open arms with no judgment… It’s time to say goodbye to year 2011. Goodbye to all that things that have been engraved in my 2011 journey my  bitter yet sweet memories they have combined the bracing in me.

January on the other hand is a new beginning of the new year.. Where resolutions were made, new hopes raise. As for me i really felt the excitement welcoming  the year of 2012…I feel like  this is the time where God is going to leads me to another level of my life… I have to face whatever that may come before me, not running away, I have to conquer my fear of being lonely… Actually by being alone by my self really gives me time to think more about  who am I, what I really want, what exactly I’m capable of, what i wish to do… I’ve been through quite a rough year so i kind a wish 2012 would treat me nicer and most of all I really wish this year i get the chance to experience Gods guidance in my life with wisdom even more than ever. I’m ready for Him to surprise me.

I know it’s a bit late but i really wish everyone a Happy Blessing New Year … Jesus Love You and me.

 

 

Love till’ it hurt…

When it hurt love some more… love till you break down and finally can let go…

In which stage am i right now break down or finally can let go ?? None of it was an easy things to get through….

When i love then i love with all my heart, i prepare my self to forgive and forget give another chance till’ i can no longer feel anything but hurt….

That’s probably the reason why… when i break down i’ll completely broke into pieces… No more reason for me to stay… no more power to stand and fight because i no longer knew who you really are… You had gave me a clear picture of what we are now…

No regret only pain but time will ease my pain eventually … Why would i regret it ? I have learned so much and I know God has counted every tears i have dropped every pain i felt … He will pour His grace upon me in return, He’ll lift me up soar above the sky, because Jesus wants me to get through this so I can be more like Him every day through every wounds… When I am done with this one I can be a source of blessing to others….

I believe He will turn my pain to joy… And when His time is come NO ONE can take it away from me. I am Jesus little girl of course He will taught me in a hard way in order to reward me with a so much more responsibility, He’d prepared me for something BIG, bigger than any man can ever thought… I cannot wait for God’s next move in my life, I’m ready for Him to surprise me…

For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently. (1 Corinthians 10;13)

Nothing is Impossible in Jesus name